


Cold nights and warm tears

by Spaaceboy



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Clay | Dream Has ADHD (Video Blogging RPF), Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Soft Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Soft Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), like really heavy angst, soft bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 17:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30058857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaaceboy/pseuds/Spaaceboy
Summary: He thought about maybe going for a walk around the block to get his mind somewhere else, and after some hesitation, he grabbed his dark green coat and left the house.It was a windy night, the moon was completely visible and shining in the dark blue sky along with the streetlights that were spread along the street. There was almost nobody outside beside a few cars passing by from time to time and some random drunk teens walking on the other side of the road.He was still freezing, now grabbing both of his arms on a desperate attempt to stop the pain. His hands were shaking and his eyes were pouring hot tears across his cheeks, which at least kept his face warm, almost too warm.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	Cold nights and warm tears

**Author's Note:**

> //CW: anxiety attacks, ADHD overstimulation  
> This has honestly been one of my favourites fanfics to write and I'm really proud of it so I hope you like it!

It was almost three am, Dream was laying in his bed, staring blankly into the ceiling fan. And like many other nights, he was failing to fall asleep.

Despite the warm Florida weather, he still felt an uncomfortable cold breeze coming from the open window on the side of the room, which was just adding to his insomnia. He covered himself with the thin blanket of the bed, rolling to his side and meeting the sight of his boyfriend, Sapnap, who was peacefully laying next to him while hugging a big panda plushie that Dream gave him that same morning when they went to an amusement park. It had been so long since they last went on a proper date and Dream wanted to spend some quality time with his boyfriend and let him have fun after not leaving the house for almost three months. He knew that despite both of them enjoying home time, Sapnap loved to go on nice dates, give each other gifts and walk around places with no particular destination in mind, just enjoying each other’s company. 

He wished he could take Sapnap on those kinds of dates more often, but there was something bad about them. They were extremely draining, and sometimes even overwhelming depending on how crowded the place they went was. It wasn’t that he didn’t like to spend time with Sapnap, but he often felt stressed due to the overstimulation those places gave him, it was really hard to keep himself focused on anything when there were so many things going on at the same time, so he often excused himself to go to the bathroom to take some air and calm himself down, even if it was often useless due to the amount of people in the bathrooms.

He didn’t want to make Sapnap think that he wasn’t having fun, even though he wasn’t. He needed to keep up with a smile to make his boyfriend think he was okay and not worry him, that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Then suddenly Dream’s whole body was shaking, waves of discomfort covering him to the core in the form of aggressive shivers that made it hard to breathe. He heard Sapnap make a soft hum in his sleep due to the sudden movement Dream’s shivers were making. So he got up as fast as he could, and his whole head felt like it was spinning around.

He slammed both of his hands on the wall in an attempt to keep himself standing, and froze for a second, looking back at Sapnap to make sure he was still sleeping, he was.

Dream sighed heavily and left the room, closing the door slowly to make sure not to wake up his boyfriend.

Dream’s mind was screaming as he was starting to panic. He was wearing a simple white T-shirt and some old black sweatpants and some slippers, which was usually enough to keep him warm as the weather was already hot enough, but not this time. His whole body was freezing in a painful way and he needed to put on some clothes immediately. He rushed to the toilet in complete darkness, not even bothering to turn any light on. He grabbed a black hoodie and some green pajama pants from the laundry basket, as those were the only clothes outside of his room that he could take at the moment.

He noticed Patches laying next to the laundry basket as well, she was curled up on herself while looking up at Dream with wide eyes, probably aware that his owner was not having a great time. Dream could only bring himself to give Patches a quick pat on the head before putting on the clothes he picked up earlier and heading downstairs.

He knew what was going on, it wasn’t the first time he had an anxiety attack, but that was before Sapnap moved in with him, he was alone before, now he had to make sure his boyfriend didn’t hear him.

He thought about maybe going for a walk around the block to get his mind somewhere else, and after some hesitation, he grabbed his dark green coat and left the house.

It was a windy night, the moon was completely visible and shining in the dark blue sky along with the streetlights that were spread along the street. There was almost nobody outside beside a few cars passing by from time to time and some random drunk teens walking on the other side of the road.

He was still freezing, now grabbing both of his arms on a desperate attempt to stop the pain. His hands were shaking and his eyes were pouring hot tears across his cheeks, which at least kept his face warm, almost too warm.

He started to walk slower, and slower. His feet were now being dragged across the pavement, heavy breaths scaping him.

Then everything went fuzzy, everything felt like an overwhelming mess as he felt his body leaning forward, not being able to stand anymore. 

Everything went dark, there was a loud beep on his ears that muffed along with some unknown voices that were now surrounding him.

Time felt nonexisting, it was just as if everything was slowly fading away. Then a bright light forced him out of his thoughts, as he opened his eyes, struggling to see until his eyes got used to the brightness and he was hit with a realization.

He was on a hospital bed, and Sapnap was beside him, holding his hand.

He had a cpap machine giving him oxygen and a track on his left arm. He locked eyes with Sapnap, who had red marks around his eyes, which left clear he had been crying.

He tried to speak but was unable to think of what to say, and he felt hot tears running down his face from pure embarrassment and regret. He made Sapnap worry, in fact, he had made him  _ cry,  _ which just made it worse.

A gentle hand runned it’s fingers across Dream’s face, brushing his tears away.

_ “Its okay Clay, I’m here” _

Sapnap’s voice was soft and careful, as if he was scared he could break Dream if he raised his volume on the slightest. The words felt comforting and sympathetic, as Sapnap started to play around with Dream’s hair, still smiling at him.

_ “I’m sorry…” _ Dream’s voice was completely wrecked and weak, almost a whisper, and it made Sapnap’s heart sink.

_ “Don’t” _ Sapnap held Dream’s hands tighter, now shaking  _ “please don’t apologise” _

Dream resisted the urge to apologise again, seeing the state he had put his boyfriend in, he felt the guilt quickly building up as he saw tears forming in Sapnap’s eyes.

_ “I don’t want to lose you, please” _ Sapnap gasped, trying his best to vocalize so Dream would understand every last word he said, as he held him tight against his chest _ “please, please don’t do that again, if you’re not okay just wake me up next time. But please… Don’t leave like that again” _

Dream felt his whole heart crack as he saw the consequences of his reckless actions. He was not only hurting himself, but also the people he loved. He was not doing any good to anyone by being so careless with himself, and he knew that needed to change, so maybe this was an opportunity to start making that happen.

Dream hugged Sapnap as tightly as he could burying his face on his boyfriend’s chest.

_ “I won’t, I promise” _

  
  


_ _____________________ _

It had been two months since the accident happened, Sapnap was making some fried chicken in the kitchen. He started learning how to cook a few weeks ago, as he didn’t want to depend on delivery food for the rest of his life. He only burned the food five times, which was at least better than he initially thought.

Dream walked inside the house, and Sapnap popped his head from the kitchen door.

_ “Dream! Look, I haven’t burnt the food yet!”  _ Dream smirked and walked inside the kitchen, hugging his boyfriend from behind and resting his head on Sapnap’s.

_ “Not bad, now try to keep doing that forever ''  _

Sapnap laughed and poked Dream’s front softly with the wooden spoon he was holding.  _ “How about if you started helping me, huh? Maybe then I wouldn’t burn the food so much” _ Dream just chuckled and pressed a kiss against Sapnap’s neck.

_ “Thank you” _ Sapnap looked at Dream, not quite understanding what he meant.  _ “For convincing me to go to therapy, it was good” _

Sapnap just smiled and pressed a kiss on Dream’s head. It took a lot of discussion, but he finally convinced Dream to start going to a weekly therapy session on a clinit just around the block, and since then, Dream seemed more relaxed. He started speaking to him everytime he felt down, and even though he couldn’t always help him, the comfort Sapnap brought him was enough to make Dream feel less alone.

Nothing could be perfect, but this was enough in their eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Soft bois <3


End file.
